The website this piece was originally was submitted to, while still on the web, has not been updated in nearly two years.
A while back, another site was auditioning new reviewers. It was a two-part process. First, prospective reviewers had to pass a quiz. 100 questions about B-movies. Okay, I don't know anything about B-movies, so just about every answer I gave was Breakin' 2: Electric Bugaloo. I thought it had a certain retarded charm about it. I guess I was alone in that thought. The second part of the process was to write a review of a particularly bad film. They offered a list of five films, and I went with Indecent Proposal, the "controversial" Demi Moore film from the 90s. Needless to say, I never made it as a reviewer at the other site, but I thought my essay too good not to share. So, here it is, reprinted in its entirety:
The major problem with this film is that the producers have never really been poor. They've never driven beat up Hondas with only liability insurance. They've never had a job that paid only fifteen cents above minimum wage. They don't see that for some couples, spending more than thirty bucks on dinner is a rare treat.
Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore star as a down-on-their-luck husband and wife living in a custom-built beach house, hard-strapped for cash and running low on sun block. In my book living in a custom-built beach house pretty much precludes one from listing themselves in the financially burdened column. But Demi and Woody really like their house, and seem averse to the obvious solution: selling the place, moving to Encino, and living comfortably off the profits. But I suppose that is not so much a movie as it is a Century 21 promotional video.
Instead, Demi and Woody scrape together the last of their cash and head to Vegas with hopes of winning enough scratch to keep the pină coladas flowing. This is never a particularly wise thing to do, not in the movies nor real life, but maybe the rum got the best of them. They quickly lose it all. If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times: video poker is a scam!
Enter Robert Redford with an offer they can't refuse. He'll give 'em a million bucks for one night with Demi. For anyone who has ever really been poor, this kind of a "dilemma" isn't so much a yes or no question, but a matter of how much. There have been times I would have lent my significant other to Rob Halford for a week for less than $20K.
This of course leads us to the second major problem with the film, the "choice" Demi has between Harrelson and Redford. You're probably saying, "Oh come on, there is no choice, any sane woman would welcome a night with Redford after years of Harrelson!" And, well, you're right. It's hard to imagine he'd need to offer up any money whatsoever.
But what if the roles had been different? What if Gumby-esque millionaire Harrelson made the offer to down-on-their-luck Redford and wife? Would Demi have been more reluctant if not only her custom-built beach house was at risk but her self-respect as well? It certainly would have made for a more interesting film. Or, what if Redford offered up a million bucks for a night with Harrelson? Could Demi and Woody's marriage survive him being punked-out by an older man? Would Harrelson be able to hold his head high knowing he did what few others had the balls to do (no pun intended) to save his custom-built beach house? Would Demi always wonder if maybe Woody enjoyed it more than he let on?
All these questions are far more compelling than the one the film ultimately tries to raise. But what can you expect from the same director who brought us such thought-provoking movies like Foxes and Flashdance?
* A small footnote: To this day I have still not seen Indecent Proposal. Maybe they saw through my ruse and rejected me for that reason. It seems I may never know why I wasn't accepted.
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